Shoe Spaz

Kids are a continuing theme in this blog, mostly because a) they're annoying and b) they incorrectly believe that the world must always bend to their will. Maybe your parents buy that, Buster, but not me! I'm gonna do my best to make sure that you and your 10-year-old, overprivileged, iPhone-toting self have to follow the rules just like the rest of us.

The perfect example of why parents need to discipline their kids at an early age walked itself into the restaurant a few days ago. 3 boys roughly middle-school aged rolled up on bikes (which they promptly dismounted and left strewn across the busy sidewalk, naturally) and walked into the store. They seemed normal enough, but given the amount of kids that usually come in and the high percentage of annoying inquiries that inevitably follow, I was very skeptical. The middle school versions of Manny, Moe and Jack walked up to the counter ready to place their order and that was when I saw it: one of them had no shoes or socks on.

Obviously, because the place I work is an eating establishment and not the Jersey shore boardwalk, I had to tell the kid to put shoes on. The "conversation" went something like this:

Me: Hey, do you have shoes?
Moe: No...<30 second pause> Do I need them?
Me: Yeah, this is a restaurant. You can't be in here without shoes on. It's a law.
Moe: (screaming at the top of his prepubescent lungs) WHAT THE FUCK?!?! This is BULLSHIT!!
(Moe storms out, slams the door and continues to scream to himself outside.)
Manny: Yeah, our friend's kind of a spaz. Sorry.

This whole situation was very puzzling and bizarre because apparently Moe left his house and rode his bike without shoes, all with the intention of coming to our lovely establishment to eat. Also, I feel it's important to note that Moe was approximately 12 years old, 100 pounds soaking wet and sounded like Alvin the chipmunk when he yelled.

He finally managed to find some shoes, though I have no idea where, and marched back into the restaurant on a mission. Seems like the mission was to "avenge me" because he attempted to shoot me "death glares" every time he passed by. Mostly it just looked like he had something in his eye.

They don't pay me enough for this.